To Everything There is A Season...

First off, I apologize for delaying blogging. I have struggled over the past several weeks with this topic. Anytime we deal with change it is difficult whether it be positive or negative. When I began this blog I formed it with the intentions of documenting my life as I followed God's plan. Since beginning this journey I have encountered many ups, downs, highs and lows. I struggled deeply with the absence of my family and friends. However, through my journey I found a lot about myself and learned how to become more independent (as I was already independent to start with...lol). I would never trade my journey to Eastern KY for anything in the world. I learned to love "God's Country" and built many, many long lasting friendships that I cherish deeply. As with any journey, there is always a new door, a new path and a new direction. Today, I am going to take you through my journey within the last few months. Some may know the path our journey has taken the last few months but I want to share the greatness of a God I serve when we fully trust his direction.

Late in 2012, John and I began seeking God's direction in our upcoming transition back to central KY. When we began this journey two years ago this month, we knew it would be short term and everyone close to us was aware that once John finished his degree we would be transitioning back to central KY. I had the opportunity to interview for a job in Elizabethtown in December 2012 and after much dicussion and prayer, we decided it wouldn't hurt to interview. During the interview I was offered a position as children's mental health theapist at a inpatient hospital. Fearful and nervous, John and I prayed and discussed in depth what our options were and where we felt our lives were being led. In January 2013, I took the position here in Elizabethtown out of faith knowing that this would be a huge change for our marriage and family. John would have to remain in Eastern KY for about a year to finish school and I would rent a house in Elizabethtown. As time progressed and I placed my notice in at my current job at the time, my spirit continued to stir and debate if we were making the righ choice. It felt like daily we were discussing this transition and several tears later we decided I would make the transition but live with my grandma/grandpa Gillenwater in their basement until John transitioned back to help save some money. On February 10, I packed my car and moved from Eastern KY back to Elizabethtown. Probably one of the most difficult times of my life as I left my husband for an extended period for the first time since we have been married. Still debating in my flesh and mind if we had made the right decision I started training at my new job on February 12. Everything was going well at my training that week and on Friday, February 15 I entered my last day of training. This was no different than any other day. I got up, got ready, ate breakfast and left for work expecting my day to be normal. Expecting to come home to my grandma having dinner cooked and my grandfather sitting at the kitchen table watching who was going up and down the road...lol. But this day was not like any other day...this day was different...this day was surprising, shocking and unforseen...

On February 15, as I was in training, I got a phone call that would change my life forever. My mom and dad had shown up at my new place of employment to inform me that my grandfather Gillenwater had passed away that morning at home. The home I had just moved into with him and grandmother. As I stood at my new job, crying and in shock, I remember thinking, "This is not real, he is at the hospital just like before and everything is going to be fine. It has to be. He was fine last night, he laughed and picked on me. They are mistaken." But in reality, it was real, it true and it hit hard like a ton of bricks. I remember the days that followed and leaning on my family for support and comfort. A lot of people do not understand the context or love of my family. You don't understand unless you have walked in our shoes of unexpected deaths in the last 10 years. Through these 10 years, since the death of my aunt, we have learned that there is no one else in this world that can love and comfort like your family. As the days passed, I realized and understand the true purpose of God's plan on this journey. He knew exactly when I needed to transition and where I needed to be. I needed to be here, in this home with my grandmother. You never know when God's journey will take you to a place you never thought you would go. It is amazing how God orders and ordains our steps. A lot of people looked at John and I like we were crazy when we transitioned to Eastern KY and a lot of people looked at us like we were crazy when we made the decision for me to transition back to central KY. This has been a wild ride and journey, but I would take nothing any different. It has taught me a lot about myself, my family, my marriage, my faith and my profession. As I end this long time coming blog, I leave you with pictures of my family on the Gillenwater side from Christmas and the weekend of my grandfathers death. I am truly blessed as up until February I still had both sets of grandparents. And I still count myself as blessed because I still have many more memories to come with the Baker's, as well as the Gillenwaters. ENJOY :)

As a mental health professional, I blogged about practicing what you preach. Here is one of those instances of practicing releasing your grief. Even in our grief, we found ways to have fun and ease our minds in Kohls ;)

So fortunate that for Christmas we had all of the grandkids and family together for my grandfather's last Christmas. And if you know Scott (top right corner) you know this picture would not be true to our personalities without his humor ;)

And lastly, a picture of my grandfather a little over a year before his death. This man taught all of grandkids what it truly meant to live the life on a farm. From tractor rides, to fishing, to gardening...this man taught us all something very valuable ;)

 

Even when people doubt and tell you are making a mistake, hold fast to God's promise because in the end it is the ONE and ONLY thing that prevail! I am so thankful for God's promise and provision...

Practice What You Preach...

For the past few months I have a deep desire to restart my blog. I really slacked on the ability to keep it going when I initially began this journey, but I vowed to myself this time around to push myself to do better. I have so much I would like to share, but I don't want to bore you with my life story for the past two years. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride and believe me this journey is not complete or over by any means. I will blog more about the changes within the last two years on a later date :)

Ok, what that said I am moving into my blog topic :) 

PRACTICE WHAT YOUR PREACH...

Some may or may not know that I am a children's mental health therapist for an acute inpatient hositpal. I absolutely love what I do each and everyday I go to work. The change, success and failures fuel my adrenaline to a new level everyday. I love seeing a little child smile when the get the concept of deep breathing or look at me and say, "Ms. Tara, look I am using a coping skill". It's a moment of ownership for them and a moment like a proud momma for me :) Each day I talk to my kids about goal setting and looking ahead to the future to fuel their desires to pursue bigger and better things. I tell them they are worth so much more than they give themselves credit for. I encourage them to dig deep and find that positive self talk to lift their little, innocent spirits. I applaud their efforts to be encouraging to their peers. I cheer for them when they reach the level of accomplishment and have the ability to rejoin their families. My heartbreaks when I sit in that family session that is tense and they shut down. I grieve with them when they cry out for help from their families. My list could go on and on about what "I" do for them and with them. Over the past few days I have really thought a lot about my own self and how well I handle my positive self talk and encouragement in my own life. Sure I have a HUGE support team in my family, but what about myself? I am really practicing what I preach everyday?

So, today as I was sitting on the couch thinking about what I "want" out of life within the next year I couldn't help but feel defeated. I thought back to a year ago when I set goals and thought I would accomplish most of them, only to realize I didn't accomplish a single one. Then I thought, "Did I really have the motivation to complete my goals I set for self?"

Well, this year, today, I am ready to fully commit to my goals for this year! I want to look back a year from now and feel accomplished! Now, don't get me wrong I have had my fair shares of goal-meeting over the years but I just feel I fell off the wagon awhile ago and I desperately want back on. If you know me well, you know I am a very futurestic, goal-setting, long-term kinda gal. I have to know what it will cost me, how long it will take and how it will benefit me :) Yeah, I know I am a little weird...lol! So, blog followers I need your help in maintaining my goals! Without further delay-here are my goals.

GOALS:

1. Taking care of ME! I am horrible at placing myself on the back burner to ensure everyone else is taken care of before myself. NO MORE!

2. Get in shape! I was doing so well at getting back into shape before we moved to Eastern KY two years ago. NO MORE! It's time I take pride in myself and my body. Cause we all know our bodies are temples :)

3. Kick up Dave Ramsey :) If you have not checked this financial blessing out, you need to! It's amazing and I am ready to kick it in full gear once again :)

4. Make time for others! I am horrible at scheduling outings with others. I want to kick up the inner, outgoing person inside. So friends, hit me up with available dates :)

5. Become a better wife :) Now, I am not a horrible wife, but I know there is always room for improvement and I want to be the very best I can be :)

I think 5 is a wonderful start :)  I leave you with one question....what are you goals for this year?

Seasons of Change

It has been a few months since I last blogged.  Sorry for the delay for those of you who are following my thoughts and journey but God has been dealing with me in many different ways.  Some good and some bad, but collectively I finally put my thoughts together for this blog :)

For the past few months I have been thinking about seasons. 
This has a little to do with the fact that I am in a new area and the changes in seasons here are totally different.  I am still awaiting the birth of a LARGE snow here in the mountains just so I can say I have experienced winter in the mountains :)  Anyways, I mentioned a few weeks ago about people complaining about winter coming and wishing summer would come fast on Facebook.  I on the other hand believe differently.  I hope as you read this blog your heart is opened to a new whirlwind of seasons :)

When you think about winter you normally hear the words cold, snow, ice, freezing temperatures, Winter Weather Advisory/Watch or Warning and so on.  To me this year, I have looked at winter as a season of death.  Now, do not take this the wrong way because I am going to explain my reasonings.  However, when you look at winter, things are dead.  The trees are bare, the grass does not grow, the flowers are not blooming.  It is a season of death.  This winter I have felt more things dead around me than I have felt them alive.  Some I am happy they are gone and others I cannot figure out why God would allow things like that to happen in my life.  But the more I think about this season of death, the more I am understanding that God has something bigger for me.  I am beginning to learn to trust him and his heart because he knows best in every situation I am facing.  These fast few months have been nothing short of heartwrenching for me and it seems like everyday I am crying for more.  More of him and more of his comfort as I am faced with the reality that somethings must go.  It is everyones natural instinct to hold on to what is comfortable and that is so hard for most to let go of, including myself.  As I think about this season of death I am anxiously awaiting what spring will rebirth in my life.  Though some are looking forward to spring coming sooner, I am taking each day at a time and awaiting my "rebirth" patiently.  I know there is something good for me in the end, however, I am fearful of what challenges and "dying" obstacles I will still have to overcome before it arrives.  I have already began to experience some the rebirths within the last few weeks :)  So I know it will arrive sooner than later :)

I can always remember my life being full of changes and I am sure you can too.  From learning you were not a little girl anymore, becoming an adult, dating, getting married, having kids, etc. the list could go on and on.  And I am sure with each change you were faced with the same doubts and fears.  "How am I going to accept or handle this?".  I know that with God on my side, he will make a way for me to accept the new changes in my life.  I am so thankful for his patience with me and the graciousness he shows me everyday.  Everyday is a blessing whether it is a time or death or rebirth.

In writing this blog, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 has been burning in my mind when it comes to thinking about seasons and knowing that there is a time for everything.

A Time for Everything
 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

Through every death and time of mourning or sorrow, there is always a time to heal and mend.  I am believing and trusting on God's timing for my life.  He knows me best and he knows ALL this changes continue to make me, ME :)

Two Down and Several More AHEAD...

Today John and I celebrate two wonderful years of marriage.  Through the ups and downs, moves and settlements, we have found that marriage is not as simple as most people make it out to be.  It requires work, time and effort on both ends.  Through it all, we have found that the simplest thing in life is love.  Love is the foundation for most anything you want to achieve in life.  Think about it...you "LOVE" what you do, you "LOVE" who you marry, you "LOVE" certain foods, etc.  Though love can be defined in many different ways, you never lose sight of what it was that first made you fall madly in love with that person, place or thing.

This weekend, we celebrated our anniversary early since John is now in school and working after school.  We had the very best time we have ever had for awhile.  We took a trip to a little place called "The Breaks Interstate Park".  It is on the line of Kentucky and Virginia.  (If you want a small weekend getaway, this place is perfect!  They have horseback riding, campground, a hotel and some nice cabins!  You can also go kayaking and whitewater rafting!)  While we were there we went horseback riding in the mountians and went to several overlook spots.  It was kind of ironic that we were celebrating our two year anniversary and another couple was joining their love for one another in marriage at one of the overlooks.  Below are some pictures I would like to share of our special day :)

John and I in two places at once :)  KY & VA

Beautiful views!



Just chillin' on a BIG rock :)

Our horse ride :)



The wedding that was about to take place :)  I bet it was beauitful!



I would like to leave you with one last thought :)

1 Corinthians 13:4

The Message (MSG)

^3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

Over the past two years I have leaned on these verses and tried to place them into practice within my own marriage.  Love is the key to a "Happily Ever After"...

Delayed or Lazy?!?

Hello Blog Followers!!

So sorry that I am EXTREMELY delayed in posting a blog!  These past few weeks have been busy, but fulfulling.  I have traveled home twice and been getting the new place in tip-top shape :)  Hopefully by next week I will be able to sit and gather my thoughts for my next blog!  For now, however, I thought I would share some pictures of my last few weeks :)  I hope you enjoy!

Enjoying my little brother's baseball game :)  Small bragging moment: He is one AWESOME pitcher :)

First visit home I was able to be there for the birth of Miss Chloe Danielle Reed :)  It was a long night, but well worth the wait!  This was the last of three babies I had the opportunity to be with this summer!

Attending my new church, Trinity Harvest, and I LOVE MY CHURCH!

I have been experimenting with cooking this summer while I off :)  Actually, I have been baking more than cooking!  Tonight I made homemade chocolate cupcakes with a homemade cream cheese icing...YUM!

This has been my summer so far and I hope you are enjoying all my wonderful experiences!  Stay tuned for future blogs :)

Generation to Generation...Have You Been Affected By A Different Generation?

Since Saturday night this blog has been brewing in my spirit!  I feel like I cannot contain what I feel inside and like it is just burning to be released.  I tried to sit down and type this last night, but I could not gather my thoughts and today I read something that has burdened my heart for this blog once again!  Please take note on how important reaching generation to generation can be!!

Saturday afternoon at the KY COGOP State Convention, Billy Wilson was preaching about affecting generation to generation.  He spoke a lady that his great-grandmother ministered to in a two week revival.  He said during this revival a little girl was the only person saved and to hear his great-grandmother tell this story you have thought it was the worst revival ever.  A few years after this revival a lady came up to her and asked her about this revival.  His great-grandmother told her the samething, that it was not a very good revival.  The lady told her, "Please don't say that because I am the young girl that was saved during that revival and I am called to preach".  To make a long, AWESOME story short....this lady married and when her and her husband retired that became evangelists.  Bro. Wilson (Billy) (by the time this lady retired) had been married around a year.  His wife at the time was not filled with the Holy Spirit but longed for it.  She had been seeking in every revival, would be the first in the altar but it was not happening.  One night this lady and her husband came to minister in a revival and Bro. Wilson's wife was the first in the altar.  That night this lady lead his wife to the Holy Spirit in roughly 10 minutes.  This past year, his wife and him were in the hospital room of his father, Bro. Alva Wilson.  Bro. Billy's wife told him that maybe they should read scriptures and sing to him.  He said they read and sang until their singing went into worship.  That night Bro. Alva went to be with the Lord.  The point of me trying to retell this story is to show you how generation to generation was reached.  It started with a great-grandmother who lead a little girl to Jesus, then that little girl lead the great-grandmother's great-grandson's wife to the Holy Spirit and that wife prompted by the Holy Spirit her husband to read and sing over his father. 

This story, even though it is probably not every detail or contains all of the information, really touched my heart and made me realize something.  I, too, have been affected by a different generation.  Even though, the story I am about to give is not within my family, I have had family members pour into me but my story is about someone else who knew what it meant to connect generation to generation.

During Saturday's session, my heart was overjoyed at the thought of Bro. Alva Wilson.  My generation referred to him as "Poppa Wilson".  I can NEVER remember going to a camp that he was not there.  He jumped, he danced, he laughed, he cried, he preached, he taught, he laid hands on us, he brought us into correction and most importantly HE LOVED US UNCONDITIONALLY!  Tears began to stream down my face as I thought of all the work and love he poured into my generation and how he affected my life.  On Sunday when they honored the deceased pastors, he was honored and they requested that anyone that had been affected by his ministry to stand.  I had a WOW moment right there because as I looked around, I saw young and old standing.  "Poppa Wilson" knew what it meant to reach generation to generation.  He ministered to each one no matter what the cost.  I think we can learn something about his faithfulness and willingness to follow the Holy Spirit!

I say all of this to say that, no matter what generation you are in you are being affected.  My heart was grieved today as I read about people from other generations trying to reach a younger generation and they were shut down.  How can we, as young people, expect to grow if we cannot take the correction of previous generations?  It breaks my heart because I am thankful for "Poppa Wilson" who called me into correction and prayed for me.  Without his direction and support, I am not sure I would be the same person I am today.  Through camp I found my calling and my passion.  I am positive without his leadership in that camp, it would not have been the same. 

YOUNG PEOPLE, cling to the older generation!  Sure they may call you out on somethings, but it is ultimately for YOUR good!  Remember, they are older than you and they are wiser!  Even though we may not see it that way, it is for our benefit and correction!

I leave you with a picture I found from a camp friend on Facebook!  It may not be the best, but it is special!  Thank you, Poppa Wilson for all you have done in my life and lessons you have taught me.  May your legacy continue to grow within me!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to the Woods We Go...

Okay, blog friends on Saturday I decided that John and I needed to take a mini adventure into the heart of Eastern KY.  Since the move, I have not been able to get on my treadmill and it is killing me to get out and exercise!  I feel like I have gained 50 pounds from all the wonderful cooking his mother has provided :)  So, Saturday we took off, on foot, up to the "A" frame in Jenkins, KY.  Keep in mind that it was rather hot, I am in BEAR country, it has rained everyday that week so it was muddy and it was 2 miles in-2 miles out!  And we were hiking a "MOUNTAIN"...lol!  A little history with the "A" frame...the very FIRST time I came in to see John (before we were dating) he took my the "A" frame at sunset.  After that, I told him that I would have to go and see this place everytime I came in.  It was so quiet and beautiful there!  You could think, process your thoughts and just feel at peace!  Then, in September of 2008, this is the very place John proposed to me!  It was so meaningful and beautiful before and now it holds even more value!  So here is my favorite place in Jenkins, KY!  In addition, I promised to show some how far "down" the mountain I lived and how many mountains I was surrounded by.

Walking sticks and water are ready for the trip!

The view before the hike!

If you look really close you can a granddaddy long-leg hanging onto the leaf :)

When we arrived at the top it tells you how high you are!!!  WOW!!

The BEAUTIFUL sky and view...ahhhh!

More views from the "A" frame!

AND MORE!!!

In the middle of the trees there is an open space.  That open space is the family graveyard behind where I live.  The trees are blocking my house, but you can see the main road on the other side of the trees and the Freewill Baptist Church in the left corner if you look really hard :)

Please excuse me for my attire, but I LOVE this picture.  It kind of gives you a perspective of how massive the views are from here!

John and his hat (that I don't really care for...haha)

It was such a beautiful day!!

Okay, so you know I said I was hiking in a mountain earlier, well here is one of the MASSIVE climbs I had to walk!  It was soooo long!  It may not look that bad in the picture, but let me tell you...IT WAS!

A beautiful butterfly I found on our way out :)

This picture was taken from the Freewill Baptist Church.  If you remember I mentioned it earlier in a photo.  You can see the "A" frame in the little white circle.  It is th highest point you can go in Jenkins, KY.

Better picture of how far away this mountain really is!

Well, I hope you enjoyed this blog about my little adventure on Saturday.  It took at total of two hours to hike in and hike back out.  I was exhausted when we were finished!!  It was great exercise and the weather was perfect!  If you know me very well, you know that "hiking" really is not my thing!  I had a bandana on my head to try and keep the bugs away because they were truly getting on my nerves!!!  And John, who watches all these "How to Survive" shows was giving me the 411 on bears and rattlesnakes...ECK!  Luckily, the only wild life we saw that day was the granddaddy long-leg and the butterfly...lol!  He was rather disappointed and told me that I was walking too loud...well my explanation for that was, "Good, because I would rather not face death today!!"  I hope you enjoyed :)

P.S. Sorry if the pictures are outside of the blog space...I maximized them so you see the beautiful detail up close :)